jokes

Paddy his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with
the electrician .The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.
" His second friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with plumber the other day I found a wrench
under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both
his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a
Jockey under our bed."

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said she was in great distress over her husband. "He thinks he's a horse.
He sleeps standing up and he neighs instead of speaking, he even insists on being fed oats in a bag." said the
woman "It's terrible!", "How long has then be going on?" asks the doctor. "Six, maybe eight months." She
replied. "You have let things go too far," said the doctor. "Your husband will require a great deal of treatment
and it will be very expensive." "I don't care about the expense," said the wife. "I will pay you anything --
anything at all to make my husband stop thinking he's a horse." "But it will cost many thousands of pounds,
can you afford this amount of money?" asked the doctor. "Why of course we can," said the woman. "He's
already won three races this season.

A man's car stalls on a country road. When he gets out to fix it, a horse in the nearby
field comes up along side the fence and leans over by him. "Your trouble is probably
in the carburettor," says the horse. Startled, the man jumps back and runs down the
road until he meets a farmer. He tells the farmer his story. "Was it a large white horse
with a black mark over the right eye?" asks the farmer. "Yes, Yes," the man replies.
"Oh, I wouldn't listen to her," says the farmer, "she doesn't know anything about cars."

A horse was looking over a fence watching a game of cricket. "Any chance of a game?" he asked the captain. At first the
captain was taken aback by the talking horse, but when it insisted it was keen to play the skipper thought it might be a bit
of a laugh if he sent the horse out as opening bat. The horse shaped up to the first ball and slammed it over the boundary for
six. He did the same with the second and third, indeed every ball he hit for six until the over ended. He had been partnered by
the captain, and when the bowler ran in from the other end and the captain managed his first hit for a meagre single he called
for the horse to run. But the horse just stood there. Frantic calls by the captain to run were ignored and in the confusion the
skipper was stumped out. "Why didn't you run?" roared the captain. "Listen mate," said the horse, "if I could run I would be at
the racetrack today, not messing around with this cricket game.

A horse walked up to the racetrack betting window and plopped his money down. "I want to bet fifty
pounds on myself to win the fifth race," said the horse. "I don't believe it!" said the astonished clerk.
"You don't believe what?", said the horse, "That I can talk?" "No", replied the clerk, "You don't
stand a chance of winning the fifth race.